Is this thing free? Depends on what 'it' is
By Chris Whitehead

LuAn addresses the audience at Mark Victor Hansen's Enlightened Millionaires Retreat.

It's too late to register for the Enlightened Millionaire Retreat now going on in Rosemont. At least I think it is, if I understand the process. And it's certainly too late to hear LuAn Mitchell Halter, the only woman addressing the thing. She's already spoken.

Too bad. She sounds interesting.

Ten years ago, the press release tells us, she was "broke and living in a battered Chevy van with her husband, three small children and three dogs. Today she's a multimillionaire who lives in a Palm Springs and Banff mansion and drives a Rolls-Royce that once carried the Queen of England on royal tours!"

Hope the queen knows that the Rolls is gone.

Anyway, the retreat's free as long as you register in advance. If you don't show up, though, your credit card is charged $100. Unless you call at least two weeks ahead to cancel, which means you're already too late for this one.

See? Too complicated for me.

Probably explains why I'm not an enlightened millionaire. I'd like to be – who wouldn't? – but the enlightenment and the millions remain stubbornly out of reach.

It's an intriguing approach to payment, though, and I may suggest to our publisher that we make the paper free but charge you $100 if you don't read it